Suicidal Compulsion – Letting Go of What’s Inside (PART 1)

Proof you can make it through today: The human race has survived through many dangers in the last many generations. The human being is PHYSIOLOGICALLY WIRED TO LIVE. The human being learned to build houses from things we would call inadequate resources today. Such achievements take a mental AND physical strength.

And you are human. You are no different. 

It’s not simply an abstract or philosophical assertion. Our history and biological structures show us that we are wired to live on. to survive. to adapt. 

That is YOU. 

Stop thinking about how you FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DYING. Start OBSERVING THE REALITY OF YOURSELF, EVEN PHYSIOLOGICALLY. 

Easier said than done, I know. But keep it in mind.

Keeping your eyes on the symptoms, the feelings, and the circumstance will drown you.

Discovering yourself and standing up for yourself  through the symptoms, feelings, and circumstance will strengthen you.

A few months ago my toes scraped rock bottom. I say scraped because I was still surrounded by people who loved me…if no one around me loved me I definitely would have hit rock bottom completely. Every day, I woke up ready to kill myself any moment.

Why?

I was exhausted from fighting my social anxiety, and I was exhausted from not understanding how to look inside of myself and deal with whatever this mass of darkness was. I felt so out-of-body all the time. I felt like I was miles away from the world even though I was in it physically.

Know how that feels?

Today I want to share a first step. It is indeed common to hear about this first step, but the problem is that we human beings don’t usually take the many “sub-steps” within the step:

1. Become Aware of More than the Symptom

Become aware of yourself in a holistic way. Not just emotionally, or abstractly, or philosophically (like most of the culture seems to over-emphasize). Holistically:

*Physiologically – what’s literally physically happening in your body’s systems when you feel the way you do? The Nervous System and her branches. The Brain. Your muscular System. Your breathing. Your heart rate.

*Mentally – what is fruition of all of this in your thoughts? View your thoughts as things that come from an enemy, or come from your true self. Don’t view every thought as something that you need to own. In other words, take control and throw away the thoughts you know are pulling you down into further symptoms. 

*Emotionally – The emotions will change as you work on the above two. Don’t dwell in the emotion. 

Study the science through a scope that is not centered around your symptom. In other words, don’t study an article on depression. Study an article on the brain and the nervous system, than conclude yourself what’s happening in your body.

Why awareness?

I’m not suggesting to become aware so you can self-diagnose your problem. Quite the contrary, actually.

I’m suggesting you become aware of everything in general so you can learn to step outside of yourself in the moment of an attack, and in everyday life. The more you learn, the more you see life through the big picture. Depression and anxiety brings the scope your mentality down to a grain of the big picture. So you counterattack all of that through getting to know the big picture of yourself, and of the world as a whole.

Here’s an example of a thought process from the unaware, and a thought process from the aware.

Not Aware:

*I feel anxious right now and I don’t know what to do.

Awareness:

* I feel anxious right now. There is physical tension in my muscular system because the way that my nervous system is interacting with it. The more I think about the fact I’m anxious, the more I will become anxious. I am physically wired and built to accomplish the task at hand.

It’s a very vague example, but you get the picture. There’s not even any detailed science involved in the thought process. But simply observing yourself in life keeps you from becoming attached to whatever you’re encountering more than you need to.

Become Aware. Study History. Study Science. Study Logic. Study Religion. By opening up these parts of yourself, you find the empowerment within you to step outside yourself and

look AT the self, rather than simply look THROUGH the eyes of the self.

In other words, these things will help you observe your mind and the self, rather than drown in it.

Hope this helped.

Much love,

Jake.

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