In the 1960’s, the first anti-depressants, Isoniazid and Iproniazid, were developed from leftover German V2 rocket fuel.
At the bloodied depths of my heart, whose assurance is lost by the repeated beating from outside by relentless affliction,deeming my heart beating twice as fast than in a world without pain, this being an unending panic, therein lies not even a whisper, but something softer. At this point it sounds what resembles a call to death, but I myself am torn, for I very well know that what resembles a call to death may be the remnant of the moments wherein I have felt alive, the reminiscing positivity and hope that is utterly disguised by the daily turbulence not necessarily brought upon by the universe and her balanced laws, but my own broken wings.
I used to view “negative” memories as spontaneous flashbacks. Now I view them as abstract expressions of what I’m currently going through in the present. Expressions that are sometimes the result of pent up emotion that I never released in the moment that those particular memories may have taken place. I used to view memories as a means to discovering the root cause of my issues. Now I view them as indicators that my body is presently trying to deal with some sort of emotional trauma that it never dealt with.
I highly suggest Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine for anyone who is on a journey to discover the nature of trauma, traumatic experiences, and the mind/spirit/body/mysterious conglomerate of matter’s way of existing.
Sometimes we have to let it out…or all the time.
Eventually, when one has encountered enough trials, he stops spending energy on expecting a healing in his sleep, and starts spending energy working on the issue in the day.
Never be ashamed of what YOU must do in order to thrive. To take care of yourself so you can enjoy the life that’s been given to you.